Mental Health & God's Love

 I had another "ah ha" moment while sitting in Relief Society today. We were talking about God's love and how/when we feel His love. A member raised her hand and wanted to remind people that individuals that struggle with mental health sometimes are incapable of feeling the Savior's love at times, even if they're doing all the right things to feel His love. This lull isn't because he doesn't love them, but because they have a hard time feeling any emotions, let alone the spirit. 

Another hand went up, and she talked about how even in those moments, we still need to cling to the Savior and follow his commandments. She talked about a time when she was in so much physical pain and her fiance was trying hard to comfort her, but she all she could focus on was the amount of pain she was in. Finally, after the pain went away should cold feel her fiance's love. She related this mental health and the Savior's love. She mentioned that before the pain subdued, she had to return to the basics and heal the wound before she could feel her fiance's love. Similarly with mental health, when we're doing all the right things and still can't feel the Savior's love, we shouldn't stop doing the right things. We should continue on the path, but also help to heal ourselves mentally. Sometimes that means taking mental health days, focusing on what we enjoy, spending more time in the scriptures, and sometimes it means getting help from medications or professionals. 

My "ah ha" moment was realizing that when I got home from my mission and struggled with mental health, I held to the rod as tightly as I could. Waiting for promised blessings. When I'd go to church and hear people giving counsel that even if you give the bare minimum to the Savior you can feel his love. Yet, I was giving every ounce of strength that I had to the Lord and still couldn't feel anything. I was frustrated beyond compare. How did the Savior not care about my efforts? How could someone barely give anything and feel His love? I believed if I experienced my own personal apostasy and returned to the Lord after, I would be able to feel His love again. I tried it and as you might guess, it didn't work. I still couldn't feel His love. 

In reality, I shouldn't have created my own personal apostasy. I should have leaned into the Savior, but also relied on my medical doctors to help the inability to feel. I realized today, that I was doing all I could to feel His love, but should have tried to heal myself a little more and not given up on the Savior.

Mental health can truly be a barrier to emotions and especially the Savior's love. If you struggle and feel like you're doing everything you should, don't give up. Trust that the Lord is there, and loves you. But also find ways to heal yourself so you can truly feel His outpouring love for you.  

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